After I was diagnosed with workplace stress, directly related to bullying, I heard from many people they were wondering when it was going to happen. They didn’t know how I “put up with it”. I appreciated their empathy, but, it plagued me all through my treatment that so many knew, had feelings or thoughts about it but yet, no one came to my aid.
In the weeks and months that followed my leaving my place of employment under worker’s compensation for workplace stress, while seeing a psychologist to help me work through it, I often asked why no one ever said anything. After leaving that April day, through the “kindness” of friends I learned that it was quite the talk of the building on a near daily basis...how I was treated.
Really? This knowledge troubled me almost as greatly as the issue itself. My doctor said “Its simple really...if she’s bullying you, she’s leaving them alone. No one wants to be you.” Really? Is that who we are? What would it have taken for anyone to intervene? To say one thing? Would I have intervened if the shoe were on the other foot and I witnessed someone being demeaned and degraded? In conversations, I was referred to as any number of names...would I, say “Stop that.” Would you?
It is our workplace dirty laundry. We are all so grateful for jobs where we spend more time with people we don’t like than we spend with our own family. Where people can, in certain situations, rise to levels of authority and remain unchecked. My situation was a kind of “perfect storm” where too much was allowed to happen that would not be allowed somewhere else. My doctor, a specialist in workplace stress, was not experienced with government settings, which resulted in a little adjustment to his view of my workplace. We learned a lot from each other.
Sunday, October 17, 2010
Friday, October 8, 2010
Bullies everywhere
You know what’s funny? What’s funny is when you start thinking you’d like to have a Volkswagon Beetle, let’s say, and suddenly, everywhere you look, there’s a Volkswagon Beetle. Or like when I wanted another baby, pregnant women everywhere. That’s funny. What makes that happen? Just a heightened sensitivity to that subject?
I decided last month to write a little bit about bullying. About my experience. Suddenly, it seems that bullying is at the top of every discussion list. Ellen DeGeneres made an emotional appeal on her television show. Margaret Cho dedicated her Dancing With the Stars Copa Cabana number to the bullied youth of America, particularly the gay and lesbian youth. The sad and unfortunate story of a young girl ending her life because of bullying. Another sad story about a young boy, considered to be too different by some, another loss.
I read an article recently about a gentleman who worked for a magazine sponsored through a well known university. Seems his boss was a bit of a bully. He had been reported to the HR Department by not just this employee, but a couple of employees for his bullying behavior. He began to question the employee’s work, take assignments away, reassign his work to a new person in the department. As for the employee, he committed suicide and his family is blaming the boss for contributing to his declining emotional state. The article ends by debunking that theory as it turns out the man had a history of depression and had recently had some relationship issues.
Well, now, you know, the thing about the bully is…they know that about a person. They sense a weakness, a depression or a sensitivity. They dare and challenge, and whittle…oh do they whittle. Its not different in the workplace than in the schoolyard. A bully chooses her victim. Never ever misunderstand - a bully chooses her victim.
Those little kids that bully their classmate? The middle school girl who belittles and demeans another? They grow up. Often, those same traits, those same methods, are carried forward into their adult life. It becomes how they conduct themselves. Oh, they could be the life of the party, most likely are gregarious and loud, considered by many to be “fun”. Bullies have typical or common personality traits.
In the workplace, a bully is most commonly, of course, someone who has authority over her victim. There are studies that indicate women in roles of authority are more likely than men in those same roles to exhibit bullying behavior. It is often difficult to get someone to listen, as was the case with me, or to get someone who wants to take it on. The laws regarding sexual harassment or prejudicial treatment based on color, creed, or gender are well known, and enforced. Walk into an HR Department across this great land and complain of bullying and you will more than likely hear it’s a personality conflict and be asked if you have considered a different job or place of work. It is after all, your problem, don’t you know.
The workplace bully and the schoolyard bully share very common needs, and common traits. Think about the school yard bully that you may have known as a child. Now picture them as your boss.
I decided last month to write a little bit about bullying. About my experience. Suddenly, it seems that bullying is at the top of every discussion list. Ellen DeGeneres made an emotional appeal on her television show. Margaret Cho dedicated her Dancing With the Stars Copa Cabana number to the bullied youth of America, particularly the gay and lesbian youth. The sad and unfortunate story of a young girl ending her life because of bullying. Another sad story about a young boy, considered to be too different by some, another loss.
I read an article recently about a gentleman who worked for a magazine sponsored through a well known university. Seems his boss was a bit of a bully. He had been reported to the HR Department by not just this employee, but a couple of employees for his bullying behavior. He began to question the employee’s work, take assignments away, reassign his work to a new person in the department. As for the employee, he committed suicide and his family is blaming the boss for contributing to his declining emotional state. The article ends by debunking that theory as it turns out the man had a history of depression and had recently had some relationship issues.
Well, now, you know, the thing about the bully is…they know that about a person. They sense a weakness, a depression or a sensitivity. They dare and challenge, and whittle…oh do they whittle. Its not different in the workplace than in the schoolyard. A bully chooses her victim. Never ever misunderstand - a bully chooses her victim.
Those little kids that bully their classmate? The middle school girl who belittles and demeans another? They grow up. Often, those same traits, those same methods, are carried forward into their adult life. It becomes how they conduct themselves. Oh, they could be the life of the party, most likely are gregarious and loud, considered by many to be “fun”. Bullies have typical or common personality traits.
In the workplace, a bully is most commonly, of course, someone who has authority over her victim. There are studies that indicate women in roles of authority are more likely than men in those same roles to exhibit bullying behavior. It is often difficult to get someone to listen, as was the case with me, or to get someone who wants to take it on. The laws regarding sexual harassment or prejudicial treatment based on color, creed, or gender are well known, and enforced. Walk into an HR Department across this great land and complain of bullying and you will more than likely hear it’s a personality conflict and be asked if you have considered a different job or place of work. It is after all, your problem, don’t you know.
The workplace bully and the schoolyard bully share very common needs, and common traits. Think about the school yard bully that you may have known as a child. Now picture them as your boss.
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