Bullies everywhere

You know what’s funny? What’s funny is when you start thinking you’d like to have a Volkswagon Beetle, let’s say, and suddenly, everywhere you look, there’s a Volkswagon Beetle. Or like when I wanted another baby, pregnant women everywhere. That’s funny. What makes that happen? Just a heightened sensitivity to that subject?

I decided last month to write a little bit about bullying. About my experience. Suddenly, it seems that bullying is at the top of every discussion list. Ellen DeGeneres made an emotional appeal on her television show. Margaret Cho dedicated her Dancing With the Stars Copa Cabana number to the bullied youth of America, particularly the gay and lesbian youth. The sad and unfortunate story of a young girl ending her life because of bullying. Another sad story about a young boy, considered to be too different by some, another loss.

I read an article recently about a gentleman who worked for a magazine sponsored through a well known university. Seems his boss was a bit of a bully. He had been reported to the HR Department by not just this employee, but a couple of employees for his bullying behavior. He began to question the employee’s work, take assignments away, reassign his work to a new person in the department. As for the employee, he committed suicide and his family is blaming the boss for contributing to his declining emotional state. The article ends by debunking that theory as it turns out the man had a history of depression and had recently had some relationship issues.

Well, now, you know, the thing about the bully is…they know that about a person. They sense a weakness, a depression or a sensitivity. They dare and challenge, and whittle…oh do they whittle. Its not different in the workplace than in the schoolyard. A bully chooses her victim. Never ever misunderstand - a bully chooses her victim.

Those little kids that bully their classmate? The middle school girl who belittles and demeans another? They grow up. Often, those same traits, those same methods, are carried forward into their adult life. It becomes how they conduct themselves. Oh, they could be the life of the party, most likely are gregarious and loud, considered by many to be “fun”. Bullies have typical or common personality traits.

In the workplace, a bully is most commonly, of course, someone who has authority over her victim. There are studies that indicate women in roles of authority are more likely than men in those same roles to exhibit bullying behavior. It is often difficult to get someone to listen, as was the case with me, or to get someone who wants to take it on. The laws regarding sexual harassment or prejudicial treatment based on color, creed, or gender are well known, and enforced. Walk into an HR Department across this great land and complain of bullying and you will more than likely hear it’s a personality conflict and be asked if you have considered a different job or place of work. It is after all, your problem, don’t you know.

The workplace bully and the schoolyard bully share very common needs, and common traits. Think about the school yard bully that you may have known as a child. Now picture them as your boss.