Would it be so bad?

All through my childhood my dad worked as a superintendent for a major bridge builder, American Bridge, Division of U.S. Steel.  Wherever a bridge was needed, particularly over water, we were there.  Living in mobile home parks and traveling the United States, job site to job site.  It was quite the childhood.  Never long enough in one place to make a “best friend”, and rarely around family, to enjoy first cousins, aunts, uncles. 

We were each other’s best friends…the only guests at each other’s birthday parties, with the exception of a bachelor my dad would drag home from time to time, or a young married man away from his family.  We knew nothing else, however, and it seemed fine to us.  At Christmas, there were just the five of us…Dad, Mom, my sister and my brother.  Occasionally we had my half-brothers, 10 and 12 years older than me, with us, too, but not every holiday. 

I think this is the reason I cherish family so much.  I want my kids to be close as can be, to each other and to us.  I want them to know cousins, aunts, uncles.  To have best friends that last a lifetime.  All the things I didn’t have, I want for them.  Please understand, I didn’t believe I was missing anything! I am not sure I did, it was just not structured the same. I wouldn’t trade it for anything really, and I have written of my childhood before…it was fantastic, full of adventure.

I love to hear that my kids are planning travel.  To see some sights, or experience something new.  Problem is, I want to go, too.  I am jealous of their planning and don’t seem to grasp the idea they may want to do this vacation on their own.  I tremble at the idea of the grandkids having some sort of fun I won’t witness.  I believe myself to be a vital part of the fun the vacation can be.  Oh, I am so reluctant to be left out.  I want them to go and do, just not without me. 

I want to live in a family compound of sorts ~ a commune.   I want everyone to have their own homes, but I want to have communal groceries and dinners.  Oh, you could have a meal on your own, but, wouldn’t it save money in the long run if we were living as extended families and sharing meals, utensils, groceries? Tribal living.  Yes! I want to be a tribe. 

This must be rooted in my childhood, right?

I need therapy.