I consider myself a good mother-in-law. I don’t think I could write a book, and I know I make mistakes, but, generally I consider myself good.
In a gathering of my circle of friends recently, we talked about what makes a good mother-in-law. Of course, the perfect balance of interfering and not interfering is a skill that is difficult to achieve but it is a great trait. An example I will give you here concerns my son-in-law, whom I love dearly, and gift giving.
Recently, for one gift giving opportunity, my son-in-law commented he did not have a clue as to what to get my daughter. I suggested jewelry, of course. He didn’t agree, made a remark or two about how she had a lot of necklaces already and wasn’t in to jewelry much. (I said I love him, right?)
The next day or so, he started sending me links to items he found online. He was very proud of himself for finding a number of options, and they were lovely, but “upscale costume” pieces and she has a lot of those kinds of things already. I hinted at how nice “real” jewelry is and maybe a heart shaped necklace might be good. He said to me “She doesn’t have anything heart shaped. She likes circles”. ( I said I love him, yes, I do)
So, here’s where the delicateness of being a good mother-in-law comes in. “Well, that is true, she does really like circles but maybe the reason why she doesn’t have anything heart shaped is that its not something she would buy for herself? I mean, isn’t that something that would come from you? As her love?” Then, the second morsel. “Why don’t you stop in to a jewelry store and see what they have? A real jewelry store, I bet you’ll see something there that fits the occasion. Trust me on this one.”
My son-in-law is a wonderful person, and bright. He did make it to a jewelry store and purchased a lovely heart shaped pendant with their daughter’s birthstone floating inside. Its gorgeous, she loves it and wears it almost every day.
On the other hand, I totally missed the second son-in-law’s gift for my other daughter this Christmas. I’m a work in progress, I guess.
Similar quest for balance in my role as m-i-l.... case in point:
ReplyDeleteWhen Anne was trying on her wedding dress ('09), I flew out with some of my jewelry to offer for her to borrow. Nothing suited her including the string of pearls that her father had given me on our wedding eve. Fast forward a bit to Jim asking me what Anne might like as a wedding present from him. I said, "Well, I have never been good at picking out things for her, but her father gave me a string of pearls." Wedding day comes and there is a beautiful string of pearls around my daughter's neck... High five!
Sometimes its the giver, not the gift!
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