Not right now.

Here we are, at the most frozen, coldest dang day of the winter.  I should be using this time to keep moving, to ward off the chill, to sort, to downsize, laundry, cleaning…but I find myself napping on the couch, watching junk TV, occasionally rolling out from under the furry throw to eat something or refresh my coffee.

 

I have been thinking about spring.  This arctic blast has me in that mood.  I am thinking about plants, and colors.  I get out the journal and start writing down goals for landscaping 2019, write about rock and mulch and clearing brush.  Will those sweet little plants from last year survive this cold?  January and February are meant for thoughts like these..spring cleaning? Well, that’s for spring, and we aren't there yet. 

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Following my own advice.

I haven’t written a blog post in several weeks.  I just was too hesitant, to be honest, as some things have really gotten under my skin lately and I don’t want this blog to ever come across as negative, or  “lecture-y”.  I was afraid my thinking, how I was feeling, would come out in my writing, and that’s a self-imposed no for me.

However, a lot of good has happened around me since Christmas and I hope both my outlook and my inner reflection have improved. Do you ever find yourself in a bit of a funk and it just needs to work itself around? That’s what I was hoping for. As James Brown would say “Get up offa that thing and make yourself feel better”.

Hubs retired, his last work day was December 28th.  The night before his very last day we had a bit of a surprise get together at one of our favorite spots, a local brewery. Almost all of the family was there, we are very lucky to have so many close by, and a couple friends. He was completely surprised and shout out to Maple City Dentistry for being in on the secret and shuffling his scheduled appointment around a bit.

We followed that up with a New Years Eve night out, very unusual for us. I have recently reconnected with an old friend and we ushered in the New Year together, our resolution being not to let thirty years go by again.  We were the oldest folks at Journeyman Distillery that night but we didn’t much care, and we made a quick stop in to the Acorn Theater's NYE party as well, super late and time for it to be over, but we listened to a couple songs from the band. It was a good time.

Following that, we traveled to Key West for a week to celebrate retirement and spend money like we have it.  Key West was terrific. Just the perfect response to retirement in that it caused us to slow down, to relax…to retire, if you will. We made plans, we chucked plans. Key West was a good bridge to what life will be like going forward.  

We have always talked a bit about travel. We are not campers or RV people. Seeing RVs shoved into campgrounds practically on top of each other, and I know that isn’t every park, made me cringe. Anyway, we spent a bit of time talking about how to plan for future trips and get-aways.  Our first step is making independent lists of where we would like to go and then compare those lists and start thinking about how to make it happen.  We want to travel in the US a bit, there are so many great places to see.

Christmas is like a blur, now, in some ways.  Our vacation already a week behind us.  We came home to snow and super frigid temps and now it is suppose to rain all evening.  We also came home to a blood red full moon and a lunar eclipse and that’s hard to beat. 

I follow a casual acquaintance on Instagram and she posts a lot of inspirational quotes.  One really rang true for me this morning as I was finishing this post…

One day or day one.  You decide.

Now, that was a week!

So we are sneaking up on the big holiday and I've had a multitude of special Christmas happenings already.  I mean, it's a good one, 2018, and we aren't even "there" yet!

A quick review of my last few days.  It's been busy and fun, and even though I ended my week with a bit of a virus, I wouldn't trade this week.  First, my husband and his valued crew host a holiday luncheon for their customers each year.  It's always nicely attended and appreciated.  This year, they recognized husband's upcoming retirement, too.  I went, along with our two-year old grandson, who had been charged to me for the day.  Grandbaby was a dream, husband was pleased and humble.  It was a great afternoon. 

Next, our son flew in from California for an extended weekend and we were super happy to have him around for a few days.  He looks good, he seems well and is a survivor of the bumps in his road this year.  Was really good to see him. 

Our family attended our local hospital's annual presentation of "Holiday at the Pops", with the local county symphony, and some special guests, including the children's choir our granddaughter participates in.  It was very, very good and the auditorium, which is also where her mom and dad had their wedding reception, housed a full audience.  It was hard not to think about that wonderful December night sixteen years ago, watching those two very young people, start their lives together, as they watched their lovely daughter. They were proud parents to be sure, and the children's choir was fabulous.  Our youngest daughter and son-in-law and their family had driven up for the evening, so our family was complete.

The next day was our annual family Cookie Sunday.   Again, our whole family in attendance, visiting with their cousins, kids running through the house, babies cooing and drooling...it was another wonderful day.  Much laughter, much food, many, many cookies.  It can be difficult to find the right date for this yearly celebration, but we do our best to get as many of us there as we can.  Its a beautiful thing. 

I became victim to a bit of a virus following Cookie Sunday and had to pass on riding along to return our son to the airport on Tuesday, and spent much of a couple of days supine on the couch, not even watching television.  I spent a lot of the time asleep, and a lot of the time wishing I could get up to do something.  After wrapping five presents and then having to sleep for two hours, I just resolved to pick it back up in a couple days. 

Friday night this week the children's choir has their own concert and we are very much looking forward to it.  The next morning we set off for Indianapolis to see the Nutcracker presented by the Indianapolis School of Ballet.  Our granddaughter gets to sit in the audience this year, and I will admit to being a little sad for that...but then I think about how she is just around the corner from me now, singing in the local children's choir, taking ballet at a new studio and enjoying her lake home.  Its a trade-off, yes, but its a solid trade. 

Forward, ho.

Moving forward to making some adjustments – financially, physically, emotionally, digging deep into things I was pretty sure I “just knew” to be true, clearing away some old habits and thoughts – I started a list.  My list contains areas where I would like adjustments, change, new outlooks, discussions and hey, things to keep.  You already know I am a list person, so a list shouldn’t be surprising, right?

What the list is, however, is evolving.  Living, really.  I make the list in my head, I think about the item I just put on the list and scratch it off or suspend it, or move it to the top I think its so vital and fantastic.  But, because my memory is not as great as it use to be (don’t tell my husband, I can still fool him in to thinking I remember something he does not, or have told him something that I maybe really did forget to mention), I have to write a large percentage of my thoughts down.  Sometimes I am of the mind that if I can’t remember the list, the list isn’t right.  Other times I recognize that the list is to be respected, so give it full attention and, shoot, go ahead and write that on the list.

I have many notebooks and if you read some previous blog posts, you know that I started a bullet journal of sorts earlier this year.  I have narrowed down that process quite a bit…the “experts” in this field would have you journaling all dang day…to just what I found I need.  A calendar, a list of books to read, a travel planner, a habit tracker (sorta) and meals and groceries make up my main pages.  There’s a few others that pop up once in a while, but mostly that’s it.

So for 2019 I am adding a new “favorite” to my planner/journal for areas I want to adjust, and will set some goals in order to meet those adjustments and frankly, I needed to think about how to get there, think about who I am.  Fact is this…I love to talk about things.  I love to discuss things with people I care about, or even people I just met. I like finding common ground.  I like to squint my eyes at them and say “You know?”.  I like learning things, reading up on stuff, discovering something new, on a wide range of topics.

 

You may know that Oprah says “This I know for sure…” Steve Jobs had “One more thing..” Now both of these mantras tie people to each other, or to a common thing and both these folks save this point til the end of their presentation.  Oprah bases hers in the human existence, and is usually near the last page of her magazine.  Jobs was more in the technology of humanity and spoke it at the end of an annual conference, but, they vie to bring us to a common place…connectivity.

 

Connectivity. My first adjustment goal.  I guess, truly, I have been practicing connectivity through this blog for a while.  It’s a little one sided, however, isn’t it?   One of the things I know about myself is I quite enjoy entertaining.  I like small groups,  I like discussions, I like to discover stuff and I like entertaining.  I can bring those things together.  Reach out to me if you think this is something you might be interested in, too.  I know a lot of small groups have what I will call themes…like knitting or bible studies or even homemaking tips and tricks, essential oils classes or  yoga.  I don’t have a theme, not necessarily even seeking a theme.  I enjoy open discussion, open laughter, open hearts and minds.
   

Let me know, and let the adjusting begin. 

Starting to adjust.

New traditions.  Is that an oxymoron? Can something be new and become a tradition simultaneously? Coming off a Thanksgiving weekend full of “new” traditions,  I am truly grateful.  I have much for which I am thankful.

  

As I get older and a bit more settled I am finding that my responsiveness to holidays is evolving, too.  Traditions are important, and I enjoy the heck out of them, but what is more important to me is the time together the traditions bring. I no longer have to race and fret, to plan and control, nor shop…oh my word, the shopping.  But, I’m not doing it ALL these days.  Younger women and men have stepped up, stepped in.   It can all happen around me.  I cook, sure.  I help my daughter get the dinner ready and plan the menu, yes.  I do pick up some ingredients here and there.  And, I forget stuff and have to send someone to the store…what of it?

I think Thanksgiving and the 4^th of July are my top two holidays.  I mean, they are neck and neck.  I would mention Halloween but I most just like the decorating. Of course, there is Christmas and I love Christmas.  I’ve got some feelings about Christmas that may be in contrast to what the “holiday” is intended and because of that inner discussion, I don’t put Christmas at the very top of the holiday list…now, anyone out there who needs to hear this, hear this: My ranking Christmas lower has nothing to do with my faith.

 

I am very thankful this year, maybe more so than in previous years, and I’ve tried to put gratitude at the forefront this holiday season.  Along with my focus on making adjustments in 2019, and being really decidedly grateful,  I will share that I am also determined to be more expressive, more in tune and in touch with people and things.  Some things I vow to learn more about are not so pleasant as I witness what is happening around the country, and some of those people, well, not so pleasant either.  One of the things I am most grateful for is my ability, my privilege, my right by golly, to be educated, informed and to be a voice. 

So what do I know about this anyway? Nothing, to be honest.  But, in my need to make adjustments I also vow to educate myself, to learn more, to not avoid or turn my head but to face both some beautiful and some darned ugly issues.  Are there topics you are afraid to approach?  I have some.  You want to hear about racism? I can get in to that with you.  WE can delve in to that together.  You want to talk about women’s rights? Oh, yes, hey…I am here for that.  Shall we explore reasonable gun legislation together? Okay, we can, but, I have to warn you, I am emotional on that one. I am willing, however, to hear your thoughts. 

I am making adjustments in 2019, and it starts from a place of thanksgiving, of true and sincere gratitude, more than just giving words around a table.  It takes a weekend in a hotel with five beautiful, happy, healthy, bouncing and joyous grandchildren to bring me to this place.  I have so much to be grateful for, I really do…and I bet you do, too.

Let’s roll up our sleeves together and do the work. 

Word of the day, of the year.

I took a break from posting on this blog for the past two months.  There were a couple of reasons why, but, mainly we were busy! I determined it best to fix my brain on keeping on task of all the things on my list.  Not that I am busier than other people…I most definitely am not. However, I had a lot on my mind, things I wanted to sort through mentally and physically.

 

Last year, when I wrote at around the end of the 2017, it was about intention, and more specifically to intend to live with joy.  I wrote about choosing a word, if I could choose just one, my word for 2017 was JOY, my word for 2018 was INTENT.

So, now, with the coming and going of my birthday, when I usually think about such things, and the sabbatical I took from posting, in order to sort through some stuff, I find myself again wondering about a word, just one word, that would be my driving thought for 2019, adding to the cloth I weave each day.  (Here’s last years post, if you would care to read again https://cindiswindow.blogspot.com/2017/12/word.html )

So many things have happened in 2018 that cause me to really consider my 2019. First was the big move back “home” this summer of my middle child with her husband and three of our five grandkids.  Having them here, living just around the corner, has been a gift.  We have helped with the kids as she and her husband finished up the sale of their house in Indianapolis.  I have done school pick-up, and dance class, and attended a cross country meet or two.  It has been glorious, as well as has made me miss our son, who moved from Seattle to Los Angeles this year, and our youngest and her family of four even more.

    

The second big change is coming soon…husband’s retirement on December 31.  I am both looking forward to it and am anxious about it.  All the jokes apply.  He is worried about the budget. I am worried about having him here, all day, every day.  I mean, he deserves the rest and relaxation, no doubt or question, but what am I going to do with him all day?  We had a few appointments and “real talks” related to social security and financial planning which took up large parts of a couple weeks.  While I was able to skate through most of those conversations, it was taking its toll on my husband who needs to feel secure in his decisions and some of the suggestions we heard were uncertain for him.  I don’t think he slept at all, to be honest, all through October!

Which brings me to another change.  I retired early and completely back in 2014 or so but recently accepted a contract for working from home part-time.  Too many details to get into here but some of my October busy-ness was preparing for this opportunity.  Setting a schedule, training, trying to get organized…all that was a time burner.  I am just getting all that under some control as its taken a while to warm up the ol’ memory banks and remember how to work like a professional not to mention reclaiming the office space, which is slow going.

Life is all about the twists and turns in our journey, though, and starting each day from where you are.  It’s a hard lesson sometimes, not looking back, not regretting earlier life decisions or wishing you had done something differently. Accepting that, hey, you are here, now, so go-ahead, make the changes and get going.

   

2019, folks…Adjust

Making a list.

There’s been a fair amount of head scratching and pondering going on at the homestead these last couple of weeks as we move into the last quarter of hubs’ full time work and ease into retirement.  There’s been meetings, phone calls, discussions, paperwork, more meetings.  It’s been an education, that is for sure.  I think it is good? It is a bit scary.

So, we have been doing a fair amount of “taking stock” and making lists.  Doing a little “what’s that?” as we go through some boxes in the attic. It’s not been all drudgery…we did make some post retirement travel plans this week, and spent some great family times, caught a Broadway show.  We bought a “new” car and one of these days, we’ll hit the road in it.

I like making plans for the future.  I have always liked looking at my budget, making lists, crossing things off the list.  I am one of “those”.  I have little notebooks for all my wondering mind thoughts, questions and plans.  I think you are either a list maker or not.  Hubs seems to be able to keep everything in his head…I like to see it written down.  And if I can use a highlighter, well, that’s even better. I also like spreadsheets and I am one of those people who fill in my little lines and boxes with color because I am also a color person although to look at my wardrobe you might not think it.  I am a bit heavy in to grey these days.  Except in my spreadsheets.

I am not always known for following the rules.  I have jumped out of the car while in the student pick up lane to run inside rather than wait.  I have had more than 12 items in the express checkout line, snuck in to a private lounge.   Just this morning I had nachos for breakfast.  But, I also try to follow the rules that keep me and mine safe and secure.  Like, wear your seat belt, sit down, arms and legs inside at all times, three meals a day, moisturize and drink lots of water.  And oh yeah, make a retirement spending plan.

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