Ode to Joy

Started stocking up on some plants this week (I had ordered a few by mail only the second time or so I have done that) and my neighbor-niece picked up a few for me while she was out on errands.  I already almost killed those by leaving them out on the step in an “ooops, I forgot the plants” moment when the temps dropped down to near freezing. They may recover IF it warms up soon. I think May 10 is our safe to plant date for 2020.

I told you about the extension of my trail, once known as trail to nowhere and now referred to, occasionally and loosely, as the trail with purpose. I LOVE this addition to our landscape and although it was a lot of work, and still work needed, it is becoming a favorite spot. Except for the poison ivy or poison oak I picked up while ripping out myrtle, hiding in the growth to do its dastardly deed on my arms and ankles.  Now that I know it is there, I look for it and it is discreet, for sure, but its there. Poison Ivy seems to be strong this year as I have seen several people post about it. Devil weed.

This year has turned in to a year of some serious landscape planning. It is nice to have the niece next door as she also is a landscape planner. We talk flowers, shrubs and trees a LOT. We enjoy it and well, she also picked up some poison ivy working in HER beds. So, we share that as well.

The daffodil game has been strong and long this year; the colder temps seem to be keeping them on a nice rotation without everyone blooming at once. There’s a lot to divide and move later to keep this look going.

 

Even with everything that is going on, spring is such a great time of year. Even on days when it is a bit gloomy or cold I walk out onto the porch and take it all in, just sort of survey it. We have a lot of projects, sure, but also a lot of joy. Who doesn’t need a bit of joy?

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Word of the day, of the year.

I took a break from posting on this blog for the past two months.  There were a couple of reasons why, but, mainly we were busy! I determined it best to fix my brain on keeping on task of all the things on my list.  Not that I am busier than other people…I most definitely am not. However, I had a lot on my mind, things I wanted to sort through mentally and physically.

 

Last year, when I wrote at around the end of the 2017, it was about intention, and more specifically to intend to live with joy.  I wrote about choosing a word, if I could choose just one, my word for 2017 was JOY, my word for 2018 was INTENT.

So, now, with the coming and going of my birthday, when I usually think about such things, and the sabbatical I took from posting, in order to sort through some stuff, I find myself again wondering about a word, just one word, that would be my driving thought for 2019, adding to the cloth I weave each day.  (Here’s last years post, if you would care to read again https://cindiswindow.blogspot.com/2017/12/word.html )

So many things have happened in 2018 that cause me to really consider my 2019. First was the big move back “home” this summer of my middle child with her husband and three of our five grandkids.  Having them here, living just around the corner, has been a gift.  We have helped with the kids as she and her husband finished up the sale of their house in Indianapolis.  I have done school pick-up, and dance class, and attended a cross country meet or two.  It has been glorious, as well as has made me miss our son, who moved from Seattle to Los Angeles this year, and our youngest and her family of four even more.

    

The second big change is coming soon…husband’s retirement on December 31.  I am both looking forward to it and am anxious about it.  All the jokes apply.  He is worried about the budget. I am worried about having him here, all day, every day.  I mean, he deserves the rest and relaxation, no doubt or question, but what am I going to do with him all day?  We had a few appointments and “real talks” related to social security and financial planning which took up large parts of a couple weeks.  While I was able to skate through most of those conversations, it was taking its toll on my husband who needs to feel secure in his decisions and some of the suggestions we heard were uncertain for him.  I don’t think he slept at all, to be honest, all through October!

Which brings me to another change.  I retired early and completely back in 2014 or so but recently accepted a contract for working from home part-time.  Too many details to get into here but some of my October busy-ness was preparing for this opportunity.  Setting a schedule, training, trying to get organized…all that was a time burner.  I am just getting all that under some control as its taken a while to warm up the ol’ memory banks and remember how to work like a professional not to mention reclaiming the office space, which is slow going.

Life is all about the twists and turns in our journey, though, and starting each day from where you are.  It’s a hard lesson sometimes, not looking back, not regretting earlier life decisions or wishing you had done something differently. Accepting that, hey, you are here, now, so go-ahead, make the changes and get going.

   

2019, folks…Adjust

Journal journey.

In my quest to live intentionally, act with intent, do what I intend…all that, I have been focusing on getting better organized.  I found myself kind of just floating though my days, sometimes getting done what I wanted and sometimes, well, you know,  la-de-dah…

A step I have taken to become better organized is to use a journal.  I reviewed a bunch of different sites (a rabbit hole to be sure), sat through a webinar, ordered a journal and tried to figure out if my life is busy enough these days to even bother with journaling/scheduling/task-list making.  I’ve discovered it actually is and thinking that it wasn’t is exactly where I went wrong in my intent to be better organized.

Does that make sense? Stay with me, I’ll go a bit deeper.

Like all of you, I have things I need to get done…every day, every week, every other week, every month; just like you.  I realize lately that there are things I was not paying much attention to, just sort of la-de-dahing them.  Minor things such as dusting regularly to bigger things such as having routine maintenance done on the car, even on myself.  I mean none of this is life threatening but it still is not something you should just let go, right?

So around my birthday in October, when I “take stock” of my year and begin to think about what I want my next year to look like, I determined to be intentional in all things.  As previously written, if Joy was my word for 2017, then Intent would be my word, my goal, moving in to 2018.  The second of January or so I realized I was woefully out of sync with intent  and is when I started a new “bullet journal”.  (I have mentioned this previously and linked to a site where, if interested, you can learn more, but, here is the link again bulletjournal.com) In my new journal, I made lists, I have charts, I have plans, menus, recipes, ideas, goals both personal and financial.  I have a page or two of word dumps. Huh? Don't worry, I will get into that in another post.

   

I began to experiment with the journal, messing up a few times.  Scratching things off a couple of times or rearranging the format more than a couple of times.  I even ripped out a page and that’s a no no in journaling.  But, I have begun getting more accustomed to looking at the journal’s calendar every day.  (I do need reminders after all, and while I like my phone, I don’t use the calendar there ~ just can’t get into it).  I have also gotten better at taking time for myself every day.  Now, I get it.  You may be saying to yourself, but, you are retired.  Isn’t all your time for yourself? No, no its not.  And even though I am with just myself a lot does not mean I am accomplishing things FOR myself.  And this is another topic I will post about in a separate entry.  For my male readers ~ don't think this won't be for you, too.  Stick with me... journaling may work for all of us.   

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One big, happy dinner.

It’s Saturday and not the typical blog day for me, and this is not a typical post.

   

This was a rough week.  I could barely drag myself off the couch on Monday.  I found myself sleeping when I couldn’t take any more.  Hubs got a salad and warmed up soup for dinner, and a leftover applesauce cup. I ate nothing.  I struggled on Monday.  Hard.

On Tuesday, I slapped myself out of it.  I rallied.  I will not succumb to terror, I will not.  I will speak out on gun control, and I have opinion on the current administration that goes beyond party.  However,  I still will not use this blog for those things, other than those statements above. Can we disagree and still wish love and joy for each other? I believe we can, and I guess we’ll find out.

A week ago, my house was filled with my favorite things ~ all three of my kids, their spouses and all five of my grandchildren.    I could not have been happier than if you had sprinkled me with pixie dust.  I was beyond pleased.  There was a wonderful big family wedding, at a barn, a handsome groom and a gorgeous bride, with everybody. I think only one or two – okay, maybe three -  unable to be there on Saturday but the rest of us were in that barn, celebrating the wedding, and celebrating each other. We were one happy, dancing, loving, singing crowd of a family, let me tell you.  I love weddings, I really do.  It’s like having everyone over for dinner at one time.

 

Last Saturday and Sunday morning were perfect for us.  We laughed, and we loved. I watched little boys swing and heard their giggles, I talked nonsense with a two-year old grandgirl and marveled at the grace and poise of an eight-year old.  I love watching my girls mother their children…and my sons-in-law are princes among men.  My endearing, intelligent and independent daughter-in-law loves my boy, who brings nothing but joy to me, quirky joy, but joy all the same, and displays his roots.  Sitting around a fire with my family on a chilly Sunday morning, after a rollicking Saturday night…I wish it could always be so.  I also know it would not be as special if it happened every day, even every weekend, but I sure would like to give that a try!

Saying goodbye to the travelers never gets easy.  We vowed to make our circle tight, to keep in touch, to visit.  We hugged, we waved and blew kisses.  These are the days that make us.  

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Shine light.

I listened as my husband tried to describe some acquaintances to another couple.  I watched him pause as he sought the words he has been newly taught, people first language, in describing one of the family members, wanting to get it right.  I gently said to him “their son” as I realized what he was about to say, the words he was searching his brain for, didn’t even need to be said.  It didn’t matter, really, in the telling of the story. How quickly we need to place a descriptor on someone, a title.  I am not criticizing him here…I know I am guilty of this same thing, and it’s a learning process.  I too often describe someone by their age, or color (forgive me) or, in the case here, their disability (forgive me more).  It seldom, if ever, matters.

I started this post two weeks ago, this paragraph removed from the blog post I was writing, and saved for a future entry.  Today, it seems more appropriate. 

 

Today, I scrolled through my Instagram and Facebook feeds, grateful for the many posts of sweet, smiling kids going back to school, of professional photographs of happy families, chubby, angelic babies.  I even stopped to watch some of those crazy recipe videos.  This morning I needed happy, I needed goodness.  I will take on the news later in my day, but, with my coffee this morning, I needed light. 

I hope you are seeking light today, and finding joy.  It’s a tougher challenge on some days than others, but the joy is there for those who search for it.  For me, I vow anew to start each day with a grateful heart, even if it means scrolling through Instagram and Facebook looking for chubby baby pictures, or a new favorite, kids with horses. Filling myself with light, that I might shine light.  


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Nodding my head in the affirmative.

I was introduced to someone recently and she responded with “Oh, you’re the writer!”

Gasp (was that out loud?). Gulp.  “Well, yes, yes I am.”

It’s funny, isn’t it, the way strangers see us?  I’ve had so many titles in my life, just like you…starting with baby on up to old woman.  Student, new kid, worker, boss…lots of stuff. I use all those roles and titles to craft stories, offer insights, tell of experiences, give advice.  It has been said about me that I am an observer, which is true.  Which is different than being one who stares, and that’s another post. Most of the time we may be totally misreading what people think about us, have no clue, really. 

I made a decision, fairly recently, to be more deliberate in my life, with people.  While some may say “be present” or “be in the moment” I try to be more deliberate, maybe even deliberately present or deliberately in the moment.  I want to be understood, I want to understand.  Last year, I vowed to take joy, spread joy.  I am not sure I was always successful, which makes me think I wasn’t always deliberate enough. I don’t want to be vague, I don’t want to be overlooked.

   

I’m doing a bit of a reset, I think.  Planting myself more firmly square in my intention.

 

And with that comes a certain amount of acceptance, so here we go…

Yes, yes, I am the writer. 

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Keep 'em coming, please, bring me all the joys.

Most of you already know family means everything to me.  I realize as I write it that it sounds a bit smug.  I mean, after all, family means everything to you, too, right? I don’t have a corner on the market when it comes to loving family, and family time.  Just want to get that out of the way – I feel you.

 

We share this.  I know.  I don’t write about my love of family to place my experiences above your own, but, rather to strike common ground.  Above all else, our love of family unites us, at least I think so, and that’s why I write, and that’s why you read.  Love you, I do!

Of course, every family’s experiences are unique, as unique as each one of us.  I have much in common with many family members and friends.  But, I also appreciate the unique characteristic of each of those groups and individuals.  I have friends raising their kids and celebrating on the beach, or in the desert, mountains and hills, frozen tundra, forests and woods, and deep, tropical oasis.  Okay, that last one is a stretch.  I don’t think I know anyone in a deep tropical oasis, or under the sea for that matter, but it could happen.  You get my point…we are all doing it different, and all doing it the same.

Probably like most of you this is the same reasoning behind liking and using Facebook.  I mean, it is an easy way to keep in touch, to experience life that is just a bit different than your own.  Maybe even imagine yourself in a new setting or town, what you would do.  A friend of mine who was visiting the east coast last week posted a picture of a buttered lobster roll.  Now this has made me want a buttered lobster roll ever since.  Hubs and I started talking about an east coast getaway in the spring or fall of 2018, I will salivate for a lobster roll until then, I suppose, but I wouldn’t have had that motivation or start making a plan without that picture.  No matter what you think of Facebook it does have its way, doesn’t it, of bringing you something new to think about, and bringing your friends and family just a bit closer.

  

So, I have been one of those who has blocked people, hid advertisements, failed to reply to a message from someone, even declined a friend request or two and, I’ll admit it, I’ll continue to do so.  It’s how you refine what Facebook delivers. On the other hand, I love seeing pictures, families together, I do get some news from Facebook and it is how I find out about sales or places to visit and what the specials are at my favorite little bar and grill.  I post my blog updates on Facebook and I know I have gained some readers this way.
 

I get lost in Facebook, too, and that’s a habit I try to keep at bay.  I also get mad and irritated at the things I see posted there.  I move on.  I don’t take bait, usually, but oh, boy, there are times I want to throw myself in the middle of something.  Try not to, people of mine, try not to.  It won’t get you where you think you want to be…at least, I haven’t seen it work that way yet. But, oh the good, the great, of Facebook. 

Last week, my sister-in-law traveled to the Pacific Northwest with the surviving 8 of her 10 siblings.  I didn’t know them as kids but, wow, what a house that must have been.   I have seen them all together only once or twice over the last 40 (OMG! Seriously? 40?) years.  There are a few pictures posted on Facebook of their “reunion”.  To see them together brought me such a joyful moment, one of those times when my heart truly felt a warmth, a glow.  Without this digital social media thing I don’t know when I would have the opportunity to see them all together again, even in pictures. Thanks for sharing that, guys. Another post this week of a friend celebrating their 50^th wedding anniversary, the joy on her face in her family picture…when she, finally, had them all in one spot, all ready to smile and to gather around her table and to stop for a moment to get that great shot.  These are the joys in life, the joy of family and yes, the joy of Facebook.