After I was diagnosed with workplace stress, directly related to bullying, I heard from many people they were wondering when it was going to happen. They didn’t know how I “put up with it”. I appreciated their empathy, but, it plagued me all through my treatment that so many knew, had feelings or thoughts about it but yet, no one came to my aid.
In the weeks and months that followed my leaving my place of employment under worker’s compensation for workplace stress, while seeing a psychologist to help me work through it, I often asked why no one ever said anything. After leaving that April day, through the “kindness” of friends I learned that it was quite the talk of the building on a near daily basis...how I was treated.
Really? This knowledge troubled me almost as greatly as the issue itself. My doctor said “Its simple really...if she’s bullying you, she’s leaving them alone. No one wants to be you.” Really? Is that who we are? What would it have taken for anyone to intervene? To say one thing? Would I have intervened if the shoe were on the other foot and I witnessed someone being demeaned and degraded? In conversations, I was referred to as any number of names...would I, say “Stop that.” Would you?
It is our workplace dirty laundry. We are all so grateful for jobs where we spend more time with people we don’t like than we spend with our own family. Where people can, in certain situations, rise to levels of authority and remain unchecked. My situation was a kind of “perfect storm” where too much was allowed to happen that would not be allowed somewhere else. My doctor, a specialist in workplace stress, was not experienced with government settings, which resulted in a little adjustment to his view of my workplace. We learned a lot from each other.
Sunday, October 17, 2010
Friday, October 8, 2010
Bullies everywhere
You know what’s funny? What’s funny is when you start thinking you’d like to have a Volkswagon Beetle, let’s say, and suddenly, everywhere you look, there’s a Volkswagon Beetle. Or like when I wanted another baby, pregnant women everywhere. That’s funny. What makes that happen? Just a heightened sensitivity to that subject?
I decided last month to write a little bit about bullying. About my experience. Suddenly, it seems that bullying is at the top of every discussion list. Ellen DeGeneres made an emotional appeal on her television show. Margaret Cho dedicated her Dancing With the Stars Copa Cabana number to the bullied youth of America, particularly the gay and lesbian youth. The sad and unfortunate story of a young girl ending her life because of bullying. Another sad story about a young boy, considered to be too different by some, another loss.
I read an article recently about a gentleman who worked for a magazine sponsored through a well known university. Seems his boss was a bit of a bully. He had been reported to the HR Department by not just this employee, but a couple of employees for his bullying behavior. He began to question the employee’s work, take assignments away, reassign his work to a new person in the department. As for the employee, he committed suicide and his family is blaming the boss for contributing to his declining emotional state. The article ends by debunking that theory as it turns out the man had a history of depression and had recently had some relationship issues.
Well, now, you know, the thing about the bully is…they know that about a person. They sense a weakness, a depression or a sensitivity. They dare and challenge, and whittle…oh do they whittle. Its not different in the workplace than in the schoolyard. A bully chooses her victim. Never ever misunderstand - a bully chooses her victim.
Those little kids that bully their classmate? The middle school girl who belittles and demeans another? They grow up. Often, those same traits, those same methods, are carried forward into their adult life. It becomes how they conduct themselves. Oh, they could be the life of the party, most likely are gregarious and loud, considered by many to be “fun”. Bullies have typical or common personality traits.
In the workplace, a bully is most commonly, of course, someone who has authority over her victim. There are studies that indicate women in roles of authority are more likely than men in those same roles to exhibit bullying behavior. It is often difficult to get someone to listen, as was the case with me, or to get someone who wants to take it on. The laws regarding sexual harassment or prejudicial treatment based on color, creed, or gender are well known, and enforced. Walk into an HR Department across this great land and complain of bullying and you will more than likely hear it’s a personality conflict and be asked if you have considered a different job or place of work. It is after all, your problem, don’t you know.
The workplace bully and the schoolyard bully share very common needs, and common traits. Think about the school yard bully that you may have known as a child. Now picture them as your boss.
I decided last month to write a little bit about bullying. About my experience. Suddenly, it seems that bullying is at the top of every discussion list. Ellen DeGeneres made an emotional appeal on her television show. Margaret Cho dedicated her Dancing With the Stars Copa Cabana number to the bullied youth of America, particularly the gay and lesbian youth. The sad and unfortunate story of a young girl ending her life because of bullying. Another sad story about a young boy, considered to be too different by some, another loss.
I read an article recently about a gentleman who worked for a magazine sponsored through a well known university. Seems his boss was a bit of a bully. He had been reported to the HR Department by not just this employee, but a couple of employees for his bullying behavior. He began to question the employee’s work, take assignments away, reassign his work to a new person in the department. As for the employee, he committed suicide and his family is blaming the boss for contributing to his declining emotional state. The article ends by debunking that theory as it turns out the man had a history of depression and had recently had some relationship issues.
Well, now, you know, the thing about the bully is…they know that about a person. They sense a weakness, a depression or a sensitivity. They dare and challenge, and whittle…oh do they whittle. Its not different in the workplace than in the schoolyard. A bully chooses her victim. Never ever misunderstand - a bully chooses her victim.
Those little kids that bully their classmate? The middle school girl who belittles and demeans another? They grow up. Often, those same traits, those same methods, are carried forward into their adult life. It becomes how they conduct themselves. Oh, they could be the life of the party, most likely are gregarious and loud, considered by many to be “fun”. Bullies have typical or common personality traits.
In the workplace, a bully is most commonly, of course, someone who has authority over her victim. There are studies that indicate women in roles of authority are more likely than men in those same roles to exhibit bullying behavior. It is often difficult to get someone to listen, as was the case with me, or to get someone who wants to take it on. The laws regarding sexual harassment or prejudicial treatment based on color, creed, or gender are well known, and enforced. Walk into an HR Department across this great land and complain of bullying and you will more than likely hear it’s a personality conflict and be asked if you have considered a different job or place of work. It is after all, your problem, don’t you know.
The workplace bully and the schoolyard bully share very common needs, and common traits. Think about the school yard bully that you may have known as a child. Now picture them as your boss.
Tuesday, September 28, 2010
The start
A few weeks ago, I posted that I was going to expose some of my feelings regarding how we treat each other...particularly in the work place. I was all set to share personal experiences, some not pleasant.
Shortly after I posted, I learned that my particular “bully” will be returning to the campaign trail. The news disturbed me. Greatly. More than I thought news of this sort might. In my little town, there are people in positions they just don’t have any business being in, doing things they don’t have any business doing. I held off on posting because I wanted to be sure I knew what I wanted to post, and not out of a reaction to the news. Since this blog is mine, my feelings and my thoughts, I wanted to be clear minded about it. I believe I am.
Now, before we go any further, let me also say here that this is not a sermon. Its a reflection on an experience. I want each reader to take it in as they will, and mull it over for themselves. Perhaps you will apply a Christian perspective to the details, perhaps not. Lets go.
I started a job in a small government office in 1995. I learned of the job through a friend, thought it sounded like something I could do and applied; I interviewed and was hired.
I learned on my second day on the job that the person I would be spending most of every day with did not want me for the position but preferred someone who had a daughter the same age as her daughter. They played on a girls softball team together a few years before or something. However, the other applicant, who is quite lovely, was not registered to vote. I was, and had voted republican to boot. I was in.
At some point, Bully, sitting across from me, wanted to bet me a steak dinner that I couldn't change her. Said to me she knew that Friend, who attended the same church I did, wanted me in the job because she thought I could “convert” her. No, I told her, I was not looking to convert her, or change her, just work with her. She challenged me, saying “We’ll see who converts who”.
I am including this exchange between us because I believe it’s the foundation for what transpired for the next 12 years. I don’t really think I need to post a lot of the details of how it happened, or what steps were taken to make it happen but to get us here. To get us to April 13, 2007, when I left my job under “work related stress” and a near breakdown. When I reported to an Occupational Health center in my little town with a blood pressure reading of 220/140, with a nurse, an aide, a doctor and me in a room, with only my sobs hitting the walls and my tears hitting the floor. I was in bad shape, and I knew it. I was at my breaking point and I knew it. It took 12 years and daily bullying behavior...but I was changed.
Shortly after I posted, I learned that my particular “bully” will be returning to the campaign trail. The news disturbed me. Greatly. More than I thought news of this sort might. In my little town, there are people in positions they just don’t have any business being in, doing things they don’t have any business doing. I held off on posting because I wanted to be sure I knew what I wanted to post, and not out of a reaction to the news. Since this blog is mine, my feelings and my thoughts, I wanted to be clear minded about it. I believe I am.
Now, before we go any further, let me also say here that this is not a sermon. Its a reflection on an experience. I want each reader to take it in as they will, and mull it over for themselves. Perhaps you will apply a Christian perspective to the details, perhaps not. Lets go.
I started a job in a small government office in 1995. I learned of the job through a friend, thought it sounded like something I could do and applied; I interviewed and was hired.
I learned on my second day on the job that the person I would be spending most of every day with did not want me for the position but preferred someone who had a daughter the same age as her daughter. They played on a girls softball team together a few years before or something. However, the other applicant, who is quite lovely, was not registered to vote. I was, and had voted republican to boot. I was in.
At some point, Bully, sitting across from me, wanted to bet me a steak dinner that I couldn't change her. Said to me she knew that Friend, who attended the same church I did, wanted me in the job because she thought I could “convert” her. No, I told her, I was not looking to convert her, or change her, just work with her. She challenged me, saying “We’ll see who converts who”.
I am including this exchange between us because I believe it’s the foundation for what transpired for the next 12 years. I don’t really think I need to post a lot of the details of how it happened, or what steps were taken to make it happen but to get us here. To get us to April 13, 2007, when I left my job under “work related stress” and a near breakdown. When I reported to an Occupational Health center in my little town with a blood pressure reading of 220/140, with a nurse, an aide, a doctor and me in a room, with only my sobs hitting the walls and my tears hitting the floor. I was in bad shape, and I knew it. I was at my breaking point and I knew it. It took 12 years and daily bullying behavior...but I was changed.
Monday, August 30, 2010
Oprah was right!
I think I turned that corner. You know the one Oprah says you’ll turn when you hit 50 or so? The one where you are finally comfortable in who you are and you embrace the lumps and bumps and bruises you have had along the way. The one where it no longer matters if you fit into a mold or size or state of mind. I think I turned that corner.
As I am fast closing in on the end of my 55th year, I realize that the last five years of my journey have been hilly. I’m going to even go back 10 years - I lost my sister to lung cancer in 2001. September 2, 2001. Somedays, it seems like such a long, long time ago and then I realize that’s probably because so much has happened in between now and then.
Of course, we all know what happened just 9 days later. My lovely little niece had a memorial service planned for my sister on September 15, 2001. While I was able to be with Micki when she passed away, and I had every intention of returning to Florida with my brothers to go to the memorial, after September 11th I found myself unwilling, unable, to budge. Too much unknown, too much fear, too much out and out horror. I couldn’t move. My brothers made it. They drove there and back in just a quick trip but I couldn’t do it. I just couldn’t. I had a daughter in high school, a daughter on a college campus and a son in another state. I needed to be “home base” cause we knew not what was to come. I was rocked to my core.
I worked in a building where I was ridiculed every day. Belittled and bullied, but I plodded on. Good things happened in my life and they almost made up for the daily pile of pooh I went through each day, just to earn a paycheck. I began to unravel though, just a little bit, every day. Didn’t really know it at the time but looking back, I can see it starting and I know how it finished. But, the good news is, it finished, before it finished me.
This begins a new series of my reflections folks. This one is not going to be as light hearted nor as sunshiney as the rest of my posts. This one is going to get a bit dirtier...and I don’t mean cuss words, I mean dirt. Grime. Icky, ewwie. We are going to examine words and deeds and why we endure what we shouldn’t have to endure. I won’t use names, but you are smart people and if you figure out characters, okay by me. These are MY events, this is MY story.
You see, kind ladies and sirs, I’ve turned a corner. I’ve come to embrace my fragility and my failures...mine. But I will not, do not, accept the bumps and bruises inflicted by others. I’m going to ask you to open your mind to the truth of words and deeds, and of bullying behaviors. Where it happens, when it happens, what causes someone to bully another and why oh why, is it tolerated, acknowledged but not addressed, from the playground to the office building, and everywhere in between.
This could get uncomfortable.
As I am fast closing in on the end of my 55th year, I realize that the last five years of my journey have been hilly. I’m going to even go back 10 years - I lost my sister to lung cancer in 2001. September 2, 2001. Somedays, it seems like such a long, long time ago and then I realize that’s probably because so much has happened in between now and then.
Of course, we all know what happened just 9 days later. My lovely little niece had a memorial service planned for my sister on September 15, 2001. While I was able to be with Micki when she passed away, and I had every intention of returning to Florida with my brothers to go to the memorial, after September 11th I found myself unwilling, unable, to budge. Too much unknown, too much fear, too much out and out horror. I couldn’t move. My brothers made it. They drove there and back in just a quick trip but I couldn’t do it. I just couldn’t. I had a daughter in high school, a daughter on a college campus and a son in another state. I needed to be “home base” cause we knew not what was to come. I was rocked to my core.
I worked in a building where I was ridiculed every day. Belittled and bullied, but I plodded on. Good things happened in my life and they almost made up for the daily pile of pooh I went through each day, just to earn a paycheck. I began to unravel though, just a little bit, every day. Didn’t really know it at the time but looking back, I can see it starting and I know how it finished. But, the good news is, it finished, before it finished me.
This begins a new series of my reflections folks. This one is not going to be as light hearted nor as sunshiney as the rest of my posts. This one is going to get a bit dirtier...and I don’t mean cuss words, I mean dirt. Grime. Icky, ewwie. We are going to examine words and deeds and why we endure what we shouldn’t have to endure. I won’t use names, but you are smart people and if you figure out characters, okay by me. These are MY events, this is MY story.
You see, kind ladies and sirs, I’ve turned a corner. I’ve come to embrace my fragility and my failures...mine. But I will not, do not, accept the bumps and bruises inflicted by others. I’m going to ask you to open your mind to the truth of words and deeds, and of bullying behaviors. Where it happens, when it happens, what causes someone to bully another and why oh why, is it tolerated, acknowledged but not addressed, from the playground to the office building, and everywhere in between.
This could get uncomfortable.
Sunday, August 8, 2010
What do you do anyway?
I have had a lot of people ask me what I do. I know I touched on this briefly in my early post and its vaguely explained in my profile but, I’ll try to give you a little more information.
I work for an small, independent business. Its me. CL Boardman Agency. I have a home office and previously mentioned cpus, telephone line, blah blah blah. I guess the meat of the question is “Huh?”. I’m an independent contractor, fully licensed under the great State of Indiana and the United States Federal Government. I contract specifically to a corporation who serves as a “hub” for other independent contractors. This corporation holds service agreements with many, many top notch companies. I have chosen a contract to provide services to a communications company. A big one.
I am in my office 7 to 10 hours per day. I am a Quality Enhancement Facilitator. I provide this service in two ways. The first, I offer “real time” support to agents that are servicing the communications company. They are the front line, providing customer support/service. Answering questions on billings, features, services. Trouble shooting devices. Sometimes they get stumped, that’s where I come in. I provide support to them through a chat room.
The second way I facilitate quality is by serving as a contact off line to the representatives. They each have expectations to meet...did they provide good service? Answer questions correctly? Provide the right information? Make the changes they said they would make? I monitor calls, score the calls, provide feedback through email using specific forms, or not. I meet with them in a virtual environment and the telephone.
That’s my day. I listen to recorded calls late at night usually because I can concentrate then. I score them, report back to the representative and let them know where they might improve. They are all independent as well so they can take my recommendations or leave it. But, they do have to meet quality so its in their best interest to work with me on the recommendations.
This is my 4th assignment with the corporation I contract through. I have progressed to this point and did not start out in this role. Had to pay some dues and take some lumps on the way here. I may not be done with the progress either. There are other roles within the corporation that can be managed “off site” or “virtually” and I might be interested in one of those one day.
Its been a real blessing to me. I have made some nice “friends” virtually who are also finding themselves in a great situation. The work can be demanding, its sedentary, it can be stressful. Its rewarding and its nice, so nice, to take a break for a second, like we do in every “job”, to get a drink of water and walk through my home, looking at my things, seeing my family pictures on the wall, the dirty dishes in the sink (What????) and yes, out my window.
I work for an small, independent business. Its me. CL Boardman Agency. I have a home office and previously mentioned cpus, telephone line, blah blah blah. I guess the meat of the question is “Huh?”. I’m an independent contractor, fully licensed under the great State of Indiana and the United States Federal Government. I contract specifically to a corporation who serves as a “hub” for other independent contractors. This corporation holds service agreements with many, many top notch companies. I have chosen a contract to provide services to a communications company. A big one.
I am in my office 7 to 10 hours per day. I am a Quality Enhancement Facilitator. I provide this service in two ways. The first, I offer “real time” support to agents that are servicing the communications company. They are the front line, providing customer support/service. Answering questions on billings, features, services. Trouble shooting devices. Sometimes they get stumped, that’s where I come in. I provide support to them through a chat room.
The second way I facilitate quality is by serving as a contact off line to the representatives. They each have expectations to meet...did they provide good service? Answer questions correctly? Provide the right information? Make the changes they said they would make? I monitor calls, score the calls, provide feedback through email using specific forms, or not. I meet with them in a virtual environment and the telephone.
That’s my day. I listen to recorded calls late at night usually because I can concentrate then. I score them, report back to the representative and let them know where they might improve. They are all independent as well so they can take my recommendations or leave it. But, they do have to meet quality so its in their best interest to work with me on the recommendations.
This is my 4th assignment with the corporation I contract through. I have progressed to this point and did not start out in this role. Had to pay some dues and take some lumps on the way here. I may not be done with the progress either. There are other roles within the corporation that can be managed “off site” or “virtually” and I might be interested in one of those one day.
Its been a real blessing to me. I have made some nice “friends” virtually who are also finding themselves in a great situation. The work can be demanding, its sedentary, it can be stressful. Its rewarding and its nice, so nice, to take a break for a second, like we do in every “job”, to get a drink of water and walk through my home, looking at my things, seeing my family pictures on the wall, the dirty dishes in the sink (What????) and yes, out my window.
Monday, August 2, 2010
Alright. I give. I give. In previous posts I have relived my history, admitted I might be getting old as others were deferring to me in the parking lots and grocery stores and generally talked like an older person. Today, I'm ready to just face it. I am old. Chris, my husband of 33 years, is old. WE are old.
My feet swell now. Oh sure, I have had other times in my life where my feet have become swollen...pregnancy related mostly and this is different; and its new. Just swelling of the ol' feet. Sometimes just one. But, usually when its super hot and usually when I let my feet dangle, like for example, while on a stool. I remember one time years ago my older brother Glenn and I were sharing a footstool. He told me "You have pretty, little feet." One of those things that an older brother says that you just carry around with you forever. I don't think he would say that today when they are looking like little round sausages with little link sausages substituting for toes.
The insomnia that comes for some people as they age has been with me for a while. It use to bother me and now, I just roll with it. I do stuff. Sometimes I work, sometimes I watch TV, start a movie, read a book. There's no need for me to let it have any sort of victory here. But, having only two to four hours a sleep in your system is no way to get through a long day. I still want to function, you know?
What's the end result? The rebuttal to insomnia and swelling feet? Ugh. Diet and exercise, my friends. I give. I'll try it. We'll see.
My feet swell now. Oh sure, I have had other times in my life where my feet have become swollen...pregnancy related mostly and this is different; and its new. Just swelling of the ol' feet. Sometimes just one. But, usually when its super hot and usually when I let my feet dangle, like for example, while on a stool. I remember one time years ago my older brother Glenn and I were sharing a footstool. He told me "You have pretty, little feet." One of those things that an older brother says that you just carry around with you forever. I don't think he would say that today when they are looking like little round sausages with little link sausages substituting for toes.
The insomnia that comes for some people as they age has been with me for a while. It use to bother me and now, I just roll with it. I do stuff. Sometimes I work, sometimes I watch TV, start a movie, read a book. There's no need for me to let it have any sort of victory here. But, having only two to four hours a sleep in your system is no way to get through a long day. I still want to function, you know?
What's the end result? The rebuttal to insomnia and swelling feet? Ugh. Diet and exercise, my friends. I give. I'll try it. We'll see.
Friday, July 16, 2010
Can I be seriously lucky?
Contemplating a trip to Las Vegas because I have had two lucky “wins” lately. The first, I won $50 in a raffle by attending a conference call for my business contract. The second, I won a Wii Game System for attending the same conference call this month. Am I lucky or do I just deserve a prize for attending some really long conference calls?
What if I did go to Vegas and win some serious cash doing some serious gambling? What if winning these two items is some sort of sign that I should go? Boy, it sure is easy to see how people get sucked in to making those kind of decisions, based on this kind of history, or less.
I am in an area of my spiritual thinking that always stumps me, burns my brain. If I believe that all things come from God, is my winning the Wii from God? And if He is so blessing me, as is evident by the $50, then the Wii, should I take a trip to Vegas? But, what if its just entertainment and it’s not spiritual at all? What if God wasn’t in it, except maybe to know, as only He can know, and follow me as I take my next step, whatever it might be and live with those consequences? I know there are deep thinkers that will extrapolate this all the way down to well, yes, because God brought you to a place where you were able to attend the meeting and be present to win, then yes, God blessed you with the Wii.
Smell that? Uh huh. Its my brain burning.
What if I did go to Vegas and win some serious cash doing some serious gambling? What if winning these two items is some sort of sign that I should go? Boy, it sure is easy to see how people get sucked in to making those kind of decisions, based on this kind of history, or less.
I am in an area of my spiritual thinking that always stumps me, burns my brain. If I believe that all things come from God, is my winning the Wii from God? And if He is so blessing me, as is evident by the $50, then the Wii, should I take a trip to Vegas? But, what if its just entertainment and it’s not spiritual at all? What if God wasn’t in it, except maybe to know, as only He can know, and follow me as I take my next step, whatever it might be and live with those consequences? I know there are deep thinkers that will extrapolate this all the way down to well, yes, because God brought you to a place where you were able to attend the meeting and be present to win, then yes, God blessed you with the Wii.
Smell that? Uh huh. Its my brain burning.
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